Baby Daddy Page 17

  I’m breaking apart inside, and my worst fears are confirmed. He’s leaving, and at the worst possible time. Considering how this all started, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I knew who he was from the beginning. He’s been in Great Falls, with me, longer than he’s ever stayed in one place, and I guess I should be grateful for that, but right now, I just feel disappointed and hurt.

  I should be pissed, ready to throw the TV remote next to me at him. But I have a higher priority right now, this little girl inside me who’s almost ready to come out and tackle this big world. And I’m gonna show her that she can do anything she sets her mind to, all on her own, if need be. I’ll role model that for her the best I can. I find strength from somewhere deep inside and give him a sad smile. “It’s fine, Nic. I understand. And I can do this.”

  He stops his pacing, looking at me like I’m crazy, confusion written all over his face, that handsome face that I’ve loved for months now . . . and probably always will, even if he’s traipsing all over the globe and leaving me here alone with our daughter.

  “Of course you can. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. But I’m fucking terrified. My mind keeps running a swirling list of what ifs. What if something goes wrong? What if we lose Amelia? What if I lose you? God, what if I lose both of you? I can’t handle that, Rose. God, I was so scared when I was rushing back from Oregon, more scared than I’d ever been before. But this tops that by a landslide. You’re about to do this amazing, wondrous thing, and I’m just standing here, unable to help or make it better, writing down numbers on a piece of paper. I just want to ease this for you somehow.”

  It takes me a moment to process the babbling rush of words, but as they soak through my ears and into my brain, I realize what he’s trying to say. “You’re not leaving? Not running?”

  Nic blinks for a moment before rushing over and grabbing both of my hands, staring deep in my eyes. “Leaving? What the hell are you talking about?” he asks before his mind rewinds what he’s been saying, and he smiles, leaning down and kissing the tip of my nose. “Babe, I’m not going anywhere unless you are. I love you, Rose. And I love our baby. Right now, I couldn’t be happier. I just wish I could do something. Anything.”

  I feel tears trickling out the corners of my eyes, and I reach up, kissing him firmly on the lips. “Oh, my God, I love you too. And you are doing something. You’re here with me, experiencing this together, the birth of our family.”

  He leans forward to kiss me again, his lips soft and sweet against mine. I feel the commitment, the promise of our lives together in the kiss, our breaths merging into one as he strokes my cheek with his fingertips, wiping away my tears. He presses his forehead to mine again, his eyes twinkling. “Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “We’re having a baby.”

  We’ve known that for a while now, obviously, but as another contraction hits, the reality of the coming baby somehow seems quite a bit more real, and I smile through the pain. Breathing as Nic coaches me, gliding gentle hands across my belly to ease the discomfort, I want every moment to be like this, this mix of comfort, joy, and love, with just a hint of pain to make sure this is reality and not heaven . . . yet.

  I squeeze Nic’s hand hard as my contraction reaches its peak, and I feel a gush between my legs. My mouth rounds in surprise as I gasp. “Oh, boy.”

  Nic pulls back, still holding my hand but looking around again, confused. “What? What’s wrong?”

  I smile back, exhaling slowly as the contraction passes. “It’s definitely baby day. My water just broke.”

  He pauses for a split second, what I said sinking in before he jumps up and runs for the door, calling for the nurse before he even gets it open.

  The nurse hustles back in, looking half amused because she’s probably seen this a thousand times before. No wonder they make fathers wait outside or go boil some water or something just to distract them in the movies. “I hear you think your water broke?”

  I glare at her, a little annoyed. Honestly, I either had my water break or I pissed the bed, and I haven’t pissed the bed in twenty-five years. “I know it did. I felt it, big gush. Huge. Definitely broke.”

  My words are stilted as I try to breathe. These contractions are totally not cool. It’s like trying to run a wind sprint with your nose pinched shut. The nurse is a pro, ignoring my wisecrack as she moves to my bedside and lifts the sheet up after donning gloves.

  As soon as she lifts my hospital-issue gown, her whole demeanor changes and she presses some light-up buttons on the wall behind me. Still, there’s tension in her voice the next time she speaks, the tired humor gone to be replaced with a crisp professionalism that’s almost terrifying.

  “Okay, Rose. It is definitely baby day. I’m not sure about your water breaking yet, but you are having a bit of bleeding. Dr. Stevens is already in the hospital, actually, so you’re in good hands. We’re going to head into the OR and get you ready for a C-section.”

  Neither Nic nor I have time to react or to question because three other people run in, their pink and blue scrubs decorated in ducks and bunnies. Somehow, that’s the most terrifying part. Ducks and bunnies? Do these people even know what they’re doing? This is my baby we’re talking about here!

  I look at Nic, alarm and panic written across both our faces. He finds his words first, looking at one of the Bunny Patrol. “Can I come too? Please.”

  The nurse doesn’t even look at him as she preps my arm for an IV, hitting the vein in the first shot before stringing two bags and hooking monitors to the bed. “Yes. Follow us.”

  Without another word, we haul ass out of the room, rushing down the hallway. Vaguely, I note that the fluorescent lights really do flash by above me like they do on TV shows when they’re rushing someone to surgery. Looking around half blinded, I need the reassurance of my man. “Nic?”

  He answers me, right behind my head, and I feel strength flow from his voice. “I’m here, baby. I’m right here.”

  We burst through a set of doors, and I blink again. Christ, the OR is even ugly as shit green, just like on TV. Do they just film the shows in this hospital or something, and am I going to run into Ellen Pompeo sometime soon? I blink and realize I must have been given something to help with pain or something to be thinking such weird shit. Whatever it is, they’ve got me on the good stuff.

  Still, the OR is freezing cold, and I hear the nurses call out for a NICU team on stand-by as rushed activity swirls all around me. Someone pulls the blankets off me, and I jerk, the cold instant. I see Nic flinch as he looks between my legs, and I wish I could see what he sees. How much blood is there? Is Amelia okay?

  They shift me over to the hard table and pull this sort of half-cover up, making sure I can’t see anything. Dr. Stevens comes in, his face obscured by a big blue mask as he slips into a gown and gloves. “How’re you doing today, Rose?”

  “Uh . . . I think freaked out might be an understatement,” I reply. I look around for Nic, but he’s been led out by a nurse, and I panic for a moment before I see him through a window, getting a gown on himself. “What’s going on?”

  “Okay, here’s the deal, Rose. Seems like this baby is ready to come out today. You’re in good hands here. There’s no time for an epidural, so we’re going to have to put you under general anesthesia, but when you wake up, your little girl will be ready to meet you.”

  I can tell that he’s smiling by the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and his calmness helps me calm down too. It’s going to be okay. I have to believe that. Once I’m arranged the way they want, Nic is given a stool to sit on near my head. He runs his fingers through my hair, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “It’s okay, baby,” he says, and I’m glad he doesn’t have to wear a mask sitting up here. I want to see all of his face. “We’ve got this. I love you so much.”

  I smile back, nodding. “I love you, too. Make sure you tell Amelia I’ll wake up and be there as soon as possible. I can’t wait to hold her.”<
br />
  Nic leans down, planting a kiss to my forehead, and whispers in my ear. “You’re an amazing woman and already a wonderful mother. One last thing before you go to sleep. Rose . . . will you marry me? Will you be my wife? You’re giving me such a gift, our little girl. Please let me give you one too . . . our little family, just like you always dreamed.”

  I smile at him, and I think I say yes, but I’m not sure as the anesthesia takes over.

  Chapter 26

  Nicolas

  Walking back and forth in the hallway because they wouldn’t let me stay for the actual surgery, I keep kicking myself. I should’ve waited until after. I planned a whole fancy setup, the proposal of her dreams according to her Pinterest board. I worked it out with Brad, who was supposed to make all the arrangements, to get the setting just right in the woods and to arrange for someone to watch Amelia, the whole shebang.

  But in that moment, with so many unknowns and so many questions, that was the only thing that I could think of to show her just how much she means to me and how grateful I am for the gift she is giving me, both her heart and our child. Our family.

  She smiled after I asked, but whatever she tried to say came out as mumbled gibberish that sounded kinda like she said she liked hot dogs. I’d just sat there, patting her head, knowing better than to look beyond the blue curtain they’d erected at her chest before one of the nurses led me out here.

  On one hand, I would love to see our baby being born. On the other hand, I know my limits, and though I’m a strong man, seeing Rose cut open like that would kill me, no matter how routine it is to everyone else in the room.

  In what feels like only minutes, the door to the OR opens and a nurse waves me back in. I enter to see Dr. Stevens grinning broadly underneath his mask as he gives me a thumbs up. “It’s a girl!”

  “Where?” I ask, and the nurse leads me to what looks like a plastic tub on a table against the wall. I look, and it’s love at first sight. She’s purpley-red, a little streak of blood still in her beautiful dark hair, which is plastered down. Her eyes are puffy and closed, but her mouth is working, looking for something, and I instantly know she’s hungry. “She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, next to her momma.”

  The tears I’ve been fighting to hold back break through and I’m openly weeping. “She is,” the nurse says, taking a warm washcloth and cleaning the rest of the blood out of Amelia’s hair, “but we need to get her examined while Dr. Stevens takes care of Rose.”

  At the mention of Rose, I turn back, going over and kissing her forehead. As I do, I hear a loud cry coming from Amelia. It’s the best sound I’ve ever heard. “Hear that?” I whisper in Rose’s ear. “You did it, baby. Amelia is here and she’s just as beautiful as we knew she’d be. Good job, Momma.”

  The nurse who’s taking care of Amelia calls over to me. “Mr. Broadmoor? You coming with us?”

  I glance to Dr. Stevens, unsure what I’m supposed to do here. He looks up from his work, pointing with his head. “Go ahead, Nicolas. Rose is fine and in good hands. Go with your baby and hold her, let her know who her daddy is. When Rose is close to waking up, they’ll bring you to her, and if everything looks good with Amelia, you can place your daughter on her mother’s chest right away.”

  I nod, thankful for someone to tell me what to do. I might be a take-charge guy in most situations, but this is totally out of my league. I lean down for one more quick kiss to Rose’s cheek and then scurry out behind Amelia.

  As we walk, the nurse gives me a rolling commentary on things. “The baby looks good. Vitals are stable. We gave her a little oxygen right at first, but she’s doing fine without it now. We’ll watch her closely, do some bloodwork, but it’s all just precautionary measures. Congrats, Daddy.”

  I’m beaming, realizing that the nurse is right. I really am a Daddy now, and I’m going to be the best damn father I can be to this little girl. In the nursery, they have me wash my hands again and change gowns before directing me to sit in a rocking chair. “Would you like to hold her?” a nurse offers me. “She’s wrapped up and looking better than ever.”

  I nod, terror and excitement coursing through me in equal amounts as the little blanket-wrapped bundle is lowered into my hands. She blinks up at me, looking sleepy now more than anything else as she puts a tiny little fist against her now pink cheek and yawns. I cradle her to my chest, cooing. “Well, hello, Amelia. So good to finally meet you. I’m your daddy. I’ll take you to meet your momma in a little bit, but having you kinda wore her out. You’ve gotta be nice to her, baby. She’s a real special woman, your momma.”

  I don’t even know what else I say. I just chatter in a soft voice, telling her all about everything—her mom and me, how she’ll have to be careful or Auntie Brad will have her in a tiara 24/7, promising to explore the world with her, showing her all the wonders that can be found in the simplest of things.

  We rock for what seems like hours, getting to know each other, and I memorize every little finger and toe, finding a tiny freckle on her earlobe and inhaling her sweet baby smell. In all honesty, it’s not quite the baby powder smell I was expecting, but then again, I guess that’s a product of Johnson & Johnson, not natural baby smell. Still, it’s enchanting, and I find myself kissing her forehead repeatedly, just trying to memorize how my daughter smells and feels.

  Eventually, a nurse comes in. “Mr. Broadmoor, the recovery room called. Your wife is starting to wake up. If you want to be there when she does, you’ll want to head over. Would you like me to show you the way?”

  I nod, realizing that she called Rose my wife, and while it might not be true yet, I’m definitely not going to correct her because as soon as I can, I’m going to make that a reality. “One thing,” I say, handing Amelia back to the nurse. “When does Amelia get to meet Rose?”

  “She’ll be right behind you.”

  Chapter 27

  Rose

  I blink, each movement of my eyelids feeling like it takes about an hour and a half to open, slowly getting adjusted to light again. It feels like days have passed, but I know that in fact, it’s only been a couple of hours.

  When I thought earlier they’d given me the good shit, I must’ve been right. The anesthesia really did a number on me, giving me nonsensical dreams about swimming though ice cream, talking cars, and even a flash of Nic proposing. While wearing a dress. Wild, crazy stuff, for sure.

  I blink, trying to get my eyes to focus on the room around me, my throat painful and my voice scratchy. “Nic?”

  He comes into view beside me, smiling as his eyes look down at me warmly. “Right here, baby. How are you feeling? Need anything?”

  “Water,” I whisper. “I could go for a wine too.”

  He nods, grabbing a huge cup from the table and helping me catch the straw in my mouth for a small sip. “Take it easy,” he warns me. “Dr. Stevens said you could have water, but not too much right at first. And definitely no wine, you goof.”

  I sigh, the room temperature water soothing the roughness in my throat. “Amelia? Is she okay?”

  “She’s better than okay,” he says, his voice breaking before he clears his throat, still smiling widely. “She’s amazing, beautiful like her momma. So tiny I thought I’d break her, but I held her for a long time while you were resting. She’s doing fine. They said she won’t even have to stay. She’ll be ready to go home when you do in a couple of days.”

  The knot around my heart unclenches as the news settles in. She’s okay. I did it. “Can I see her?”

  Nic nods, hitting a button on the side of my bed. “Of course. You have to stay in here a little longer, but as soon as you get transferred to a room, she can stay with us.”

  I smile, the tears of relief and happiness overtaking me and running down my face.

  Nic leans over me, hugging my upper body awkwardly in the hospital bed. “Hey, nothing’s wrong, right? Your belly hurting? They said that would happen, but that the nerve block should still be in full effect for
another couple of hours. I can get a nurse.”

  I shake my head, reaching up to hug him back. “No, I’m just so . . . happy.”

  I feel his cheek move against my hair, and I know he’s smiling. “I’m so happy too, Rose,” he whispers, and I can feel the warmth of tears on his cheeks too. “Thank you so much.”

  I think I say something else, but I’m not sure because the next time I wake up, I’m in a different room. Looking around, I see Nic holding a little bundle as he sways back and forth, pointing out the window and whispering. “Those are birds. They fly around and live in trees. Oh, and they like to poop on cars, people too, if they get a chance. Trees are those big green blobs you probably can’t even see over there. But they’re fun to climb. Maybe we can plant one in the front yard for you.”

  He keeps talking, and his soft chatter sharing the world outside with our daughter makes me smile. She’s a lucky girl, and so am I. “You know that babies are totally shortsighted for like, the first month or so, right?”

  Nic glances back at me and smiles when he sees that I’m awake. “Never too early to start. Amelia, this is Mommy.”

  He holds up our daughter, and I swallow. She’s so beautiful that I want to cry.

  “Here you go. I’ve been telling her all about you. She’s excited to meet you.” He lays the bundle in my arms, and I get to see my daughter for the first time. It’s overwhelming how much I love this little baby, my heart literally walking around outside my body.

  “Hi, Amelia, it’s Mommy. I love you so very much, baby, and I’m glad you’re out here to see this big world and all that it has to offer you. I can’t wait to show you all the awesome things you can do and be, experience the world through your eyes, and get to know you. I love you, my little Jelly Bean.”